Wake up in the mornin’…feelin’ pretty shitty
Starting off the day on the right foot is kind of hard when before you even put a single foot down on the ground from your bed, that you are already on the “wrong side”. I speak to the fact that when you wake up sad and depressed 5 days out of the week, it does take a toll on you.
Yet somehow, I am still able to drag my lifeless body off and away from the comforts of my bed. Somehow, I can get ready and find my way to the coffee machine. After some caffeine has been introduced into my system, then I can operate heavy machinery (aka my car) to get myself to the office. All the while, I resist the ever tempting idea of just driving off the side of the cliff (which is a whole lot better than coming into work at times). Of course, I would survive (I’m not suicidal!) however tragically, my laptop would be beyond saving and magically, all my memories of work just suddenly disappeared.
Now, this is my typical morning from the point I wake up (after a night of un-restful sleep) to when I finally park my car at the lot. Yup, that’s pretty much repeated every day Monday through Friday. Even the idea of Friday doesn’t excite me because it just means the week has ended and I have gotten nothing done.
This week has been one of those weeks where you think it couldn’t get any worse, but it does. Being that I am a professional and have to hold myself as so when in public, I think my acting skills has increased over the past couple of years (acting…possible career change?..). However, whenever I get a moment to myself and away from others, I let go of the entire facade. I may punch and kick the air, I may curse nonstop (privately), and I may look grouchy if you happen to see me and I didn’t see you first, but I refuse to cry over work. I remember a line from the Bravo TV series, Kell on Earth, that the boss lived by: “If you gotta cry, take it outside!”
She took no excuses for weaknesses and had no pity for her employees who have a meltdown and start crying uncontrollably. Her philosophy was basically, if you have enough time to cry, then you have equally enough time to figure things out and fix it. Now, I may not be that harsh to my own colleagues and staff, but I hold myself to that standard. If I waste my time crying, then I’m wasting time in figuring out how to fix something.
The week has been a, “we need you figure this out now” and “you have to get this wrapped up today” (for something that could normally take up to 2 days). Insanity would be the best word to describe the situation I found myself in this week. This is when I find having the right people behind and supporting you to be completely invaluable. People always talk about putting in the investment of effort and time upfront because you will find when you need it, all that investment will come to fruit.
I may have started this post in anger and frustration (which is still somewhat continuing) during the beginning of this week, but now since we’re at the end, I want to express my deepest gratitude to those out there who were part of this crazy week.
Let’s all hang in there!